As the semester is drawing to a close, I find myself doing things that are really letting it sink in that I am LEAVING. Like, not coming back to campus. Ever. I have worked at this campus since 1999 when I started grad school. That's the 90s people. For reals.
I'm going to have to turn in my keys, give back my parking pass, and say goodbye to the OC. Today I took down my wall of vampire pictures and packed up my books and DVDs. All that's left to take home tomorrow is my life size cardboard cutout of Xena: Warrior Princess. When she comes home with me, well, it's as good as over.
Even scarier, I am giving up my dear sweet Sheila. Sheila, you see, is my car. The first car I ever bought. The first new car I've ever had. In 2003, I got behind the steering wheel and turned on the radio. The song playing on the radio was "Oh Sheila" which I used to think was a Prince song, but is really by a band called Ready for the World that totally stole his style. Anyway, that's how she got the name. She's a very boring looking car. A silver Toyota Corolla, but she's mine. I even have the pinks and everything. And yesterday I cleaned her out. Got rid of all of those things you keep in your car "just in case" which for me, the paranoiac, means a lot of stuff. Sheila's been so good to me, and I've been good to her.
Luckily, I'm selling to my aunt, so I don't have to worry about the timing of the sale, but it's still sad to leave my car days behind. I mean, life without a car? Liberating? Frightening? YES. My car is an "only mine" environment. It can be as messy as I want and nobody says anything. It can have only my music on, and it can have a girly skull with a flower sticker on it. If I need napkins or I forget my sunglasses or I forget tampons, or it rains, that's my backup. I will have to adjust to sharing a car. So will M, I'm sure. His car will now be our car, which must be totally weird for him.
Don't get me wrong, I am a lucky gal with access to a ride and the freedom to choose to give up my car, but I only now realize the ways I have relied upon it here in southern California. It still hasn't hit me that I will be walking everywhere and that grocery trips will be small and frequent or timed to coincide with M being home. Or that half of my shoes are now in the "really uncomfortable" and/or "going to dinner only" categories. Cobble stone streets and stilettos are not friends, folks.
Saying goodbye to Sheila (first of June is the day I see her off) will be tough, but even tougher will be our awesome neighbors, who are just sweet people. Our neighbors have an amazing dog named Marley who showed Radley how to be a dog. They watch Radley when we go away for the weekend and we watch Marley whenever they go somewhere, even if it's last minute. And we both truly love each others dogs, so it never seems like a big deal to dog-sit. We totally trust them with all of our keys and they do the same. When it rains and both dogs get stir-crazy, we'll let them play together to get out their pent up energy for 20 minutes. If they see Radley in the window giving them sad eyes when we're at work, they just bring him over and play with him. They are the best neighbors I've ever had in my life. They are both southerners, and one is from Louisiana, so when Mardi Gras came around this year, we were given a piece of King Cake they had flown in special. We got the tiny plastic baby, so we owe them a cake next year. Maybe we'll go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras and meet up.
Hardest of course, will be saying goodbye to my family. My mom and I are close and she's going to be a big chunk of my world that isn't within driving distance anymore. That will take adjustment. We're getting Skype all geared up, and of course there will be visits, but missing out on dinners with mom and my step-dad and brothers will take some getting used to.
So it is going to be a month of lots of teeny tiny goodbyes. And in the midst of mind-destroying dissertation writing, I find myself hoping I'm able to come out of this with any sanity at all!
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