My close analysis:
- If they are bugging Suri's dolls to find out what secrets she tells them, I don't want to live here anymore.
- Who counted the dolls? What intern was charged with such a menial task? What disgruntled nanny tossed off such a statistic to her Star contact? You know they turned in some made up shit, because nobody has exactly 200 of anything.
- I like how "nannies and maids" aren't people. At least not enough, as apparently she spent those days "alone."
- "Lindsey Relapse: Cocaine and Cutting!" has an over-excited exclamation mark at the end. Like they are happy about it. You are showing your hand, Star editors. It's kind of gross seeing the predatory instinct so pronounced.
- "Where's Daddy" paired with that picture makes it seem like Brad Pitt is not only a deserter for leaving his rich, nanny-assisted wife with their children, but also possibly a crazy person who may hack them to pieces a la The Shining
My final analysis? The cover story titles for the Star are not about celebrities at all. Really, they are the editor-in-chief's cry for help. Candace Trunzo is the one with the "Lonely Life"
My supporting data? A taste of past cover story titles:
"You're So Pathetic"
"I'm Scared"
"Nicole in Tears"
"Tiresome..."
and finally
"Insane"
Poor, sad Candace. Get help dear.
