Nerd SATs

So...having a recognizable character on your arm is something I really wasn't prepared for. I mean, most people seem to dig all the visible tattoos, but Wonder Woman has just brought something out of people. They feel they need to see it and see it in its entirety, which means me lifting up my shirt sleeve, or alternately THEM lifting it up, which I find off-putting at best. When I got the peacock on my left arm, I was introduced to this, but now it's at an unprecedented high: people will touch you if you have tattoos. People will make uncomfortable conversation with you about your tattoo. People will be caught staring and say awkward things like, "Hey Wonder Woman!" Not "Hey, Wonder Woman!" as if they are noticing her and doing so aloud, but like they are calling me Wonder Woman.

I have gotten some awesome responses from kids, who see a cartoon on my arm and pretty much respond with their little kid version of "rad" or just gasp and say "ooooh." Ladies ask me about my tattoos in general, and once a lesbian asked me a ton of detailed questions in a semi-flirtatious way, but it's grown men who make it weird. Just, why, dudes? Why make it weird? "Nice tats" by the way, sounds to me like "nice tits" which is gross (not something I've ever heard directed at my small Bs, but gross nonetheless), and I've only heard that from men. Last night, a whole table of fanboys at the bar were fascinated by Wonder Woman. Two had the guts to actually ask me about it, and they both provided me with a hilarious story for you.

Fanboy number one looked like a cross between a doofy skater and Judah Friedlander. He came up to the bar right next to me and created this fake reason for being so close to me. He squinted his eyes at the bottles as if he was looking for something and made it super obvious, so I asked what he was looking for (mistake numero uno). He was looking for a liqueur named "Hypnotiq." At a dive bar. It looks like this:

Why yes, the bottle is bedazzled.

He said that it was kind of like Alize, and that you mix it with Hennessey to make what's called an "Incredible Hulk." I had a patented Sweet Lady look of disgust/confusion/surprise and was speechless, and the guy looked down at me (because he was tall) and said, "Oh, you don't know what Alize is do you?" Like in a "isn't that cute" condescending way, to which I replied, "Oh no, I know what it is, but couldn't you just drink Nyquil for cheaper?" And he felt what people in the 19th century would have called chagrinned, or maybe vexed. This attitude problem of mine is not new. It's the reason I was single more often than I was in a relationship before I met M and convinced him to marry me, but I digress... he then said what he really meant to say before he came up, which was "I really like your tattoo." I think the Incredible Hulk drink quiz was part one of Fanboy Table's ploy to find out if I was a real nerd. Because later, when part two went into effect, it all seemed so clear.

Fanboy #2 was a nerd by-the-book. Glasses, pasty, hoodie, graphic-T, awkward, and with a speech impediment of some kind. I get back from the bathroom, and before I can get to my chair, I have this nerdy guy come right up in my personal space circle and say the following:


"I saw your Wonder Woman tattoo earlier and, um, I was wondering which artist inspired it."

This, dear readers, is nerd code. He wants to know if I am actually a fan of the comics or if I am a lesbian/feminist/tough chick who's just into the pop culture reference. I know this because when, after a beat, I replied with, "Actually, I had a couple different artists in mind," he spoke over me and said "or is it just the female empowerment thing." So I told him the truth, that I wanted the piece to reflect both a 70s version of her as well as a 1940s version, and that the composition was inspired by a Terry Dodson Wonder Woman poster, plus I wanted to reference the TV show too:

60s-70s style


Golden Age comics style - 1940s

The Terry Dodson poster

Lynda Carter as TVs Wonder Woman.

Here's what I've got so far, for those that forgot:

At this, the nerd boy had a visible reaction. The reaction was like as if he'd won a bet, won the lottery, won something, but also was forced to bottle up his celebratory instinct. When I said "Terry Dodson" he did a little jump and made a little noise. I surmised that he and his friends had a little debate over whether I knew comics or was just into the symbolic WW. And he went out on the nerd version of an epic journey for truth. Then I was like, his super friend and he wanted to talk comics and specifically artists, because everyone knows who Captain America is, but few people know the cadre of artists who brought him to life by name.

So, after all these years of being queen nerd, crown weighing down all chances of thinking myself even remotely cool, I get the late-in-life Nerd SAT exam. And you know how I approach exams. They are the nerd version of a fight. I win all my fights.

We left soon after that, and nerd boy #2 tried to catch me on the way out, with purse in hand, and asked if I liked some random obscure artist, like a final exam. He actually had to raise his voice for the last part of the question because I was walking out the door. But I just said "bye" and now he will never know. I swear there is a movie in this somewhere.

I wonder if they had seen a guy with a comic-related tattoo that was wearing chucks, a hoodie, and glasses (my swanky Saturday night attire), would they have entertained the notion that he didn't know comics and was just into getting a fun tattoo? Would they have gone on a similar mission to uncover the nerd-poseur in their midst?

Sigh...probably NOT.

Meanwhile, your nerd quotient goes down with every tattoo, even the nerd-related ones! Who knew?