Apocalist

Because my brain is currently overworked due to the coming dissertation defense (Friday!), I have been less...writey. Do you see what happened there? I invented a word. It's a word that doesn't need to exist, but my vocabulary is leaving me, so instead of whatever the word or words are that would convey being "writey" I just used "writey."

Aaaanywayz...I made this list in my head and thought it was enough for a post.  It's influenced by my recent read of the Hunger Games trilogy, as well as screenings of COINTELPRO and Weather Underground documentaries. Oh, and then I watched Man vs. Food.

Things I need to get done before the apocalypse:

1. Lasik, so I'm not sightless once my glasses break.

2. Learn how to box, fight, defend myself.

3. Learn survival skills. Like how to shave your legs using implements found in nature.

4. Learn how to pick locks.

5. Stockpile water purification tablets.

6. Also stockpile duct tape.

7. I should probably get a second battery for my laptop.

8. Relearn how to shoot a gun (I think I left that hobby behind at around 11)

9. Come up with a really cool apocalypse nickname. Something sweet, but could also be ferocious.

10. View some Youtube videos about how to start a fire, hide food from bears, and what to use as toilet paper.

11. Stockpile tampons and pads. And toilet paper.

12. Get some books on telling the difference between poisonous food and not poisonous food.

13. Learn gardening.

14. Learn how to make vodka from potatoes.

15. Work on my horrible aim.

16. Buy a megaphone. People with megaphones are totally the key people in a group. Megaphone=power.

17. Figure out what part of the country would be the least desperate and cutthroat in the event of an apocalypse.

18. Start acquiring apocalypse-friendly wardrobe items. This includes cargo pants that don't make me look fat, and hats that don't squeeze my ears or itch my forehead.

19. Learn morse code.

20. Stop saying "sorry" so much.

Anything I should add?