You Never Expect the Spanish Inquisition

True Blood Season 4 (So Far)  Review

You know, I had high hopes for season 4. It's the season of AmnesiaEric! Of werepanther Jason! Of Witchy Witches who are weres hopped up on vampire blood.

Yeah, well.

TV Amnesia Eric seems really lame. His vulnerability is child-like, whereas book Eric was introspective, scared sometimes, and yet still very manly. And the outfit. THE OUTFIT. Dear lord. How Sookie falls in love with this version of Eric I do not know. But Eric's essential superiority complex is totally gone. In the book he was a kind of combo, but here he seems totally defanged. It's not sexy. The speech he gave to Bill tonight about how he'd gladly go to his death and he hopes Sookie and Bill find a way back to each other? Blech. I hope when he gets his memories back and realizes how totally embarrassing he is to vampires everywhere, he feels what I'm feeling right now.

Also unsexy? Rotting Pam. A Pam who sold Eric out to Bill fucking Compton. Even as king, Pam would lie through her teeth and send Bill on a wild goose chase. I am thoroughly disappointed. 

Shifters
Alcide, Debbie, Luna, Tommy, new werewolf Alpha asshole who totally is going to end up being Luna's ex and thus a pain in Sam Merlotte's ass? Not as into it as I thought I'd be. I kind of don't even want to talk about the werepanthers. What happened to Jason is horrifying. And I will never unsee the woman who cried after raping him because sex with her "brother-husband" was so much worse.

Arlene and Terry's Haunted Baby

Ok so is the baby magical? Is he haunted by Rene or by some other random ghost? If he's haunted by some other random ghost, why does the ghost know how to fuck with Arlene and Terry regarding said Rene awfulness? And how does it manage to mess with Arlene's eye and light fires and write on walls? These are the questions I have because I totally gave up on the shifter storylines and what I'm left with is the haunted baby.

Oh, but there's the witches!


Marnie/Antonia

I love the actress who is playing Marnie. She really was able to become Eddie the vampire in the first episode, and she seems to have conveyed the depth and complicated nature of loneliness and absence of faith. Her surprise and anger over being dangerous to Sookie in the palm reading scene was amazing to watch.

Alright,  so the Inquisition wasn't really based on human fears but vampire fears? Of witches who were necromancers? And so via their already entrenched operatives in the Vatican, vampires took on witches and pissed one off so bad that she is returning to take vengeance hundreds of years later?

I like it, kind of.

I mean, she's got some totally justifiable beef. That rapist vampire? Any vampire old enough could also totally be a rapist. They can glamour. I'm telling you, this mythos is leading towards old-vampires-are-probably-rapists territory. It makes too much historical sense! Anyway, I'm interested in where this is going. And I hope most of it happens at night because the daytime scenes of fantastical creatures seem very Xena: Warrior Princess to me. And that show is a favorite of mine, but not because of production values.

Brujeria

The Mexican witchcraft story is just taking off. I hope it does cool things. The pregnant lady is really freaking me out. What's she carrying?! Is it.....SATAN?!

Random Complaints

Maybe I'm in a really weird mood or something, but I was bummed on the Eric/Sookie sex scene in the woods.  Not only is that not in keeping with the frustrated shower scene in the book, but it also seems kind of...ill advised..to get completely naked in a forest full of shifters during a full moon. One of whom may be your brother. Who you were looking for and were really concerned about. At least this time she was wearing short shorts and a hoodie and had a shot gun to go traipsing through the woods instead of a sundress.


Great things about this episode (besides Marnie/Antonia):

Bill is still Bill underneath that black leather blazer. And his loooove for Sookeh trumps his new kingship. Aww, Bill. Will he ever grow a pair? I don't know if I really want him to.

No fairies! They will make their return, because it seems like the Antonia storyline is hitting the fan soon, which means the big bad will reveal itself at the end of the season, and I'm thinking it's Mab the queen of the fairies, who lives out in Joshua Tree and has a bad case of shark teeth. But they weren't in this episode. Hooray!

Jessica's growing up. She's making mistakes, but she's also trying to understand them. And she's done well for someone with such awful, awful fathers, both human and vampire.

The foreshadowing of vampire Luis' (rapist vampire) final death. I can't wait to watch that.

No HotShot scenes!

Tara had great scenes where she didn't yell. The stuff at Merlotte's was hilarious.

I feel like now they've laid the groundwork and the season can really start. Everything's going to go off in the next episode, so we'll see what we've got left to work with after next week!

Dead Reckoning & Hard Bitten Reviews

I'm still working on the ghost post (hee), and have gotten a couple good ghost stories. Submit yours to me if you haven't already!!


Today's post is a review of two vampire series titles released on the same day. The latest Sookie Stackhouse novel, Dead Reckoning, the eleventh book in the series, and Hard Bitten, the latest installment of the Chicagoland Vampire story. Most of the time my reviews are detailed but not spoilery. This time, I'm spoiling all over the place.

If you haven't read them and plan to, go away! Come back after you finish and tell me what you think.

If you haven't read these stories at all, go start at book one. Also, go away or you'll get all spoiled!

If you watch True Blood but never read the Sookie books, you can stay. They may or may not use the plot line or character development and really, 11 seasons? Doubtful. Meanwhile, 7 years from now you won't remember this blog post, so feel free.....




*      *       *       *      *        *        *        *        *
Dead Reckoning: Sookie Gets Mistreated, and I Feel Bad About Ever Liking Any of These Characters

I think this book made me do something I never thought I'd do: get back on Team Bill. Can't believe it! Don't even feel comfortable here on Team Bill. Of course, where else to go? Oh yes, Team Sookie. I have many fantasies for the future of our dear Ms. Stackhouse. Most of them involve leaving Bon Temps and trying to make her way in the world under an assumed name. I picture her perhaps teaching English in some country where the buzz of other minds is practically gibberish and thus soothing. I see her getting a job in an office or at a library, getting a little apartment, having a cat. Maybe she meets a vampire turned after the Great Revelation, you know, someone who fulfills her guy qualifications, but isn't as ridiculous with the chivalry and politicking. Really, what would make her awesome is if she became a demon or something. Something where she can just say, "You know what guys, back off. I'm watching Golden Girls right now, and I'm going to eat this pizza, and if you don't like it, I'm going to fire blast you out of my house with my magical demon hands. Sookie needs a goddamn break."


This book is about Sookie's history, her lineage, and (yet again) a bunch of really blatant reasons why she can't trust any supe but Sam Merlotte (who I'm still mad at over his tryst with Callisto. Yeah, I've got old grudges).



Fairies: Untrustworthy Jerks

First off, the fairies: Her new roomies are her fairy cousins Dermot and Claude. They are comforted by being around other fairies, and she feels the magical comfort feelings as well. They admit that they are drawn somehow to her house. Turns out, there's a fairy trinket hiding there that belongs to Sookie. It was given to her by her grandmother, and it is like a 1-free-wish magical thingamabob. Typical Sookie, she gets a gift and its something that probably people will kill her over.

Sookie's grandmother, as it turns out, totally knew she was cheating on her husband with fairy Fintan. In an old letter hid in the attic, Adele Stackhouse admits to Sookie that she had children as a result of her liason with Fintan, and that the Stackhouse children since then have been visited in their  youth by their "sponsor," Mr. Cataliades (the demon lawyer).  It's revealed that Mr. Cataliades gave Sookie her telepathy as a gift because she's more fairy than the rest of her kin. Yeah, a great gift for a baby, right? How was Adele able to keep this immortal sin a secret from a telepathic child? If this tryst was at once the most amazing and awful thing she ever did, how did she keep it from Sookie? And how could she live with herself when she realized that Sookie was telepathic and yet never clued her in to any of this crap?! Adele Stackhouse, no longer awesome. Thanks. Really, that's just great. Now I have to be mad at a nice grandma whose only sin in life was wanting to have kids.

In this novel, her fear and caution around her cousins is palpable. Since she was gnawed on for hours by freakish homicidal fairies who filed their teeth into points, she's got good reason to be wary of all things fairy. She starts to think that Claude, Dermot, Niall, and the random assortment of fae creatures hanging out at Hooligans are not her people. There's a lot of groundwork laid for a bunch of fairy bullshit in the future. The fairies shut out of Faery (ugh) are trying to get back to their homeland. It's not going to be pretty.

Vampires: Not Immortal After All
So Victor bites the big one in this novel, and he reaches a bunch of new lows beforehand, making just about everybody wants to see his ashes. Not only does he buy two bars that directly compete with Merlottes and Fangtasia, he prevents Pam's girlfriend, Miriam, from being turned even though she's dying from leukemia. Poor Miriam, her existence served nothing more than to illustrate Victor's depravity. Truly, we get no depth to this character at all. And the idea that Pam could fall in love with someone so much that she wants to save them by making her own vampire child? And that this happens off page? It's pretty much cheating me out of important Sookieverse stuff. Pam's a central character! Her disdain for humanity and love of vampire life was tempered by this frail gal? I want to know about that! Pam herself gets throttled and choked by Eric. He also prevents her from saying/doing things with his master-commands-it mojo, which is dickish behavior if your vampire child is over a century old, in my opinion. I mean really, at this point, disobeying your commands to tell your secrets are her decision. Your job as a daddy is done.

Eric really took a backseat in this novel in terms of page time, but for me he hit center stage in a show called "Asshole". He was keeping a lot from Sookie (nothing new there), he was very tense, he seemed to have his usual arrogance about him, but he was being bested for a majority of the novel by Victor, who was taking away his Fangtasia revenue with his competing vampire bar. So he didn't get to be BMOC the whole time, which I like. Eric's love for Sookie was supposed to be transformative, getting him closer to humanity than he has been in a thousand years.

That's, I think, what draws people to the vampire-human love story. The idea that someone so hard and cold and calculating could be melted by looooove. It's a typical romance trope, adapted for the supernatural circumstance of immortality. Usually these guys have outdated views of gender roles, superiority complexes up the wazoo, and the obligatory giant penises. Not sure if this would work well in reverse. Powerful female vampire with outdated ideas about masculinity courts a human man who shows her that vulnerability and emotions are also male qualities. He tames her beast within and they fight important battles together. She learns to love him even though she must be the protector, not the protected. Also, her vagina sometimes squeezes his penis so hard that he needs to put frozen peas on his junk for 20 minutes after each session of lovemaking (yes, this is taken-in reverse-from the latest Sookie novel). Yeah, that story sounds like it sucks. The Pam-Miriam story would be much cooler.

So anyway, Eric. Not only do we find out that he's been betrothed to some vampire queen and must give up Sookie to be with this new broad, it is revealed that he fucked up Sookie's life royally years ago by connecting her with Niall, paying Terry Bellefleur to spy on her, and spying on her himself well before they became "friends." He also spends a good deal of time preventing Pam from telling Sookie anything about his upcoming nuptials. Oh, and to top it all off, one of his last scenes involves him feeding from her and making it more painful than necessary! This is an abusive relationship, folks, and I'm officially out of love with Eric. Sookie manages to get the guts to break the blood bond, but feels bad about it. She feels that she should have consulted with him first on a decision that affects them both. Which would be true, if the decision wasn't "whether or not I should be magically tethered to your emotions based on a decision you made in secret and imposed upon me without my consent in the first place." Thankfully this blood bond is gone. Hopefully she'll see this Eric stuff in a different light without it. I don't think he's her


Witch Match Makers
Amelia comes into play in this book in order to break the blood bond. She finds out a spell that can break the bond and gets Sookie to agree to it pretty quickly, which I enjoyed. It's something Sookie would do, it was her instinct to be free of Eric, and it was nice to see someone specifically in Sookie's corner. Amelia's a bit tactless, and she hates learning from past mistakes, apparently. This is big magic, something that is going to piss of a very old, powerful vampire, and she's like "let's do it!" She also goads Alcide into seducing Sookie. Remember when she was all interested in setting Sookie up with this really cute guy and it turned out to be Dermot? WTF Amelia!? Stop setting Sookie up with horrible matches.


Shifters: Not Great Decision Makers
Alcide returns to make his play for Sookie's affections. How does he do this? He sleeps in her bed in what he thinks is sexy underwear, hoping she'll come home and take him up on the offer. She's pissed about this, obviously, but it made me laugh. Then I thought, what if that happened to me? What would I do? I'd be so livid! Not only do I have shitty roommates and a house guest who felt this was appropriate (they'd all be in the house, I presume when this impromptu sex-fest was going on, by the way, which, eww), but this dude has some real cojones to think that his mere presence in bed can make her forget about her vampire lover. I'd do just what she did. Kick the whole lot of them out and then begrudgingly let Dermot back in because he's kind of slow.

Sandra Pelt gets out of a jail we didn't know she was in and goes after Sookie in impersonal ways until all the loser assassins she paid don't do the job right and she has to actually do the job herself.  You can tell she's a crafty adversary when she decides to hijack Sam and Janalynn (a shifter and a werewolf enforcer) to get to Sookie. Not surprisingly it takes them like 5 minutes to kill her and shove her body into the fairy portal, where she's eaten presumably by black dogs/hell hounds. So glad to put the whole Pelt family in the ground. It seems like this book was all about running things into the ground. It's like reading about a plane crash, only in the middle of the plane crash there's a kindergarten open house and a baby shower.

Demons & Telepaths
Cataliades comes by to let Sookie in on her fae heritage and to explain the Cluviel Dor. It's a magical fairy trinket that gives her one wish, but it can't be used to wish away her telepathy (lame). She decides to hold of on wishing, and gives Cataliades a stern rebuke for all the "gifts" he has bestowed upon her. He leaves her house in a rush because something is following him. And he is later seen zipping around the yard being chased by..things...it seemed like a big deal to me, but it was given two sentences of page time, so maybe in the next book he'll make a reappearance or he'll be dead and leave her his demon estate. Missed Diantha not being there. I liked her insane club-kid outfits and machine-gun fire way of talking.

Hunter also enters the story here. As a side-note, how many damn characters can be shoe-horned in to this story?! Geez. Anyway, Hunter's about to go to kindergarten and Sookie goes with Remy to his school's open house, giving us a peek into teachers' minds, which now adds elementary school teachers to my list of creeps. Sookie seems to be helping Hunter deal with the telepathy in a group setting, trying to prevent him from making the same mistakes that led to her legacy in Bon Temps as "Crazy Sookie." I think this Hunter thing seemed like it was going to lead to Sookie possibly having a family. It really would be the only way she could have a child and have a vampire husband. But now I'm not so sure that's the direction the story is going.  Poor Hunter, he might have to get killed in book 12.

In conclusion:

You know when you finally realize that a friend you've had for a while isn't really your friend? That there was some ulterior motive for being around you? Yeah, so Sookie pretty much only has that going on right now. The most telling and poignant line in the entire novel was when she's riding in the car with Sam and tearily realizes, "I've been a fool." It's an indication that Sookie's growing up. I can't wait to see how grown-up Sookie deals with the bullshit coming her way.  I think it's time to put Eric out to pasture. He was an important step in her life, and a relationship that she can use to understand herself a little better, but in the long run, I think she'll end up with Sam.







Hard Bitten

I've been reading the Chicagoland Vampire Series since book one. This is the fourth entry, and its gone to places I didn't expect. I liked the idea of a grad student who gets turned and has to traverse a whole new universe of vampire politics and super strength. I also liked that the vampire universe is a little different in these novels. Vampires are organized into houses, kind of like fraternity houses. You get turned and become part of a vampire family of sorts. Merit, the central character, is a little different than other vamps in that she was turned in what seemed like a last-minute decision. She was dying and the head of the Cadogan vampire house, Ethan, turned her. So she didn't choose this life (or unlife). The writing is good, the character is fleshed out, and the love for Chicago in the story is palpable. Chicago is almost another character in the novel. Merit takes us through a lot of Chicago landmarks and helps us understand the local cuisine and culture.

This installment does some pretty gutsy things. It puts some things out there that I wasn't expecting. The mayor isn't human (but we don't know what he is yet), Celina takes a stake to the heart, and oh my god, Merit's love interest, the leader of Cadogan house, Ethan, dies. Since his relationship with his child/novitiate/underling/employee is totally inappropriate, I was cool with it. He will magically resurrect in future books, I'm sure, because his character arc is not complete and in a 7 book series, I doubt at the end of the 4th they'd trade in one soul mate for another. But in my fantasy universe, I'd have him resurrect as human, so Merit would be superior in terms of vampire hierarchy. It would be better if they were on equal terms, but these books hate that, apparently.

There was no sex in this book, but really, there was no time! Merit was on the go the entire book and manages to not only solve the mystery of the V trade, she also learns about her own history. Turns out her dad wanted to pay Ethan to secretly turn her, so she'd never die. Micromanage much?! Ethan declined the offer, but Celina decided to do it anyway. Once the offer was made to Ethan, he decided to protect Merit (secretly, vampirily, like they do). But he was really bad at this, and when she got mauled by one of Celina's vamps, Ethan had to be a big boy and decide whether she died or undied.




I liked the book, because it did make some abrupt and confusing changes to the story I wasn't expecting. That's a rarity in a genre book. But I'm always concerned about books that make the hero transform into a marshmallow of love and devotion. Ethan dies taking a stake meant for Merit, which only means he's coming back. I wonder what hot beefcake body he'll return in?


OK, folks, reviews are done. I know I'm a bit all over the place, but the books were both released Tuesday and I had to get something down. I'm sure I'll settle down and rethink a lot of this stuff, but this is my first reaction.

A Dingo's Tale

Got my paws on a copy of the new Dean Morrison video "A Dingo's Tale". Really good surfing , Really horrible sound track. I just muted the video a jammed my own tunes.

Book Reviews - Vampires and Witches, of Course

Thanks to my graduate school honed skill of speed reading, I got through two books this week. I'm happy to report my findings.


1st up, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith.

Gotta say, it wasn't a book that I felt like I needed to get my hands on at first. When it was first published, I liked the idea, but decided to keep it on the reading list for later. It's central characters are men, it's about killing vampires not loving them, and it wasn't written by an historian. And despite those things, it is a very interesting read. It's an epistolary novel, which is one of my favorite literary forms.


Epistolary novels are stories told through a series of letters or other written documents. They gained popularity in the mid 1700s, the most popular then being Samuel Richardson's Pamela and years later Clarissa, about young women who have their virtue continually tested by the world around them. Epistolary novels do some interesting things that other novels don't. They show you the story from one person's perspective, with 'factual' additions like newspaper clippings or historical documents, and without the value judgments of an omniscient narrator. In many ways this conveys a sense of realism.  You get the story in the character's own words. Some think that the popularity of epistolary novels coincides with the rise of democracy. These are stories that tended to focus on ordinary people, generally the trials and tribulations of the working class or servant class, and in doing so encourage a sense of empathy for the experiences of those who are not like you. I like epistolary novels. Dracula is one of the most famous, with letters and diary entries from the different characters creating the story.



Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter begins with the story of a young writer who has given up on his dream of writing a novel. He instead runs the counter at a small town hardware store. He is given a gift one day by a strange local customer: what appears to be the collected diaries of Abraham Lincoln, detailing his life as young boy, and moving all the way through to the days before his assassination.

The stranger asks him to write a novel based on the diaries. As he begins to read these journals, he realizes that Abraham Lincoln was obsessed with, and very good at, killing vampires. He devoted his entire life to ridding the country of them, and only stumbled into politics. Lincoln eventually surmises that the institution of slavery is not only reprehensible on the basis of denying human beings rights, but also because it is held in place by vampires, who buy up the slaves who are old or disabled in order to feed. He believes slavery and vampires go hand in hand, so he sets out to get rid of both.


Even though it's about hunting and killing vampires, there are your "good" vampires, though they aren't as fleshed out as they could be. His good vampire sends him a hit list every now and then, and the story moves forward as Lincoln tries to fulfill his assassinations of the vilest vampires. Lincoln is definitely given a fascinating voice, and a clear picture of him emerges as the novel goes on. He deals with a lot of conflicting values and ideas, and is thoughtful about them.  The novel's historical inaccuracies are plenty, but I didn't find this too troubling. I mean, it's a novel about Abraham Lincoln as a vampire hunter. Changing history to suit the story seems like a no brainer. I loved all of the doctored photos that point out "proof" of the vampire hunter aspect of Lincoln's life. I loved the moral anchor that was the Lincoln character. He doesn't always do the right thing, but he does explore his ideas and opinions.

There were some things that disappointed me, though. It's clear that the writer isn't an historian, and that really makes the novel less than what it could have been. You see it in places throughout the novel, but most of all in the way slavery and the abolitionist movement is presented. Slaves are talked about in the abstract mostly, and usually only as victims. The underground railroad, the work of free blacks in the north, and slave rebellions are all attributed to the "good" vampires who want to end the reign of vampires in the south. Only one of these "good" vampires is developed as a character, and even he is more of a way to move the plot forward than a real person. None of the characters are black, and I think a black "good" vampire would have given the story some depth and add a counterbalance to the depiction of black people as only slaves and only victims with no power over their own lives. Lincoln never encounters other vampire hunters, which is strange. And the story spends so much time on his life before politics, that it seems odd that his road to the presidency was so short and so convenient.


All in all, the book does paint an elaborate picture of Lincoln's life, with vampire stuff added in there. His marriage, children, and the Civil War are all explored in interesting ways. I think probably this could have been an epic story, rather than a whimsical little novel. It's worth it just for the cameo by Edgar Allen Poe, who knows about vampires and chats with Lincoln about it from an interesting perspective!



My second review is a book I found via the Barnes & Noble nook recommendations page. They saw that I liked The Phyisick Book of Deliverance Dane and Daughters of the Witching Hill, and handed me A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. I was hungry for another novel after finishing Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, and I am glad I went back to witches for a time.

The cover of this novel isn't bad, but it isn't good. I would have preferred it to look like a page from an illuminated manuscript, because it features so prominently in the story, but I don't work in book cover design. I should though. I sometimes wonder what the hell those people are thinking. This is a big one at 592 pages, but I was fascinated the whole way through. It's a witch story, but unlike the last two I reviewed, this one takes place in the contemporary world, without a lot of flashbacks to the past. It's about a world where witches, daemons and vampires have worked hard to keep their existence secret from humans. It's also a world where the three creature groups are insular, and never mix across "species." It's also about the weird world of academics. In this case, however, some of the academics are relics themselves.

Diana Bishop is a witch, but has worked hard to create an academic life without witchcraft. A descendant of one of the Salem witches, she knows the fear and hysteria around witchcraft. She wanted to make a name for herself without resorting to magic, and manages to become a well known historian teaching at Yale. At the start of the novel, she is on a sabbatical doing research at Oxford, analyzing alchemical texts and illuminated manuscripts in the Bodleian Library. Her life changes forever when she requests a particular manuscript from the collection that was once thought lost. It's a book that is sealed shut with a spell, and Diana manages to open it. It seems like a confusing alchemy text that has magic running through it. When she sees the magical aspect of the text, she suddenly decides to return it and tries to forget the experience. The creatures in Oxford take notice, and pretty soon they are hovering around her, waiting for her to recall the manuscript, which is rumored to have secrets about the origins of the supernatural species and powerful spells. Another academic at Oxford seems to be most interested in her and her stack of books at the Bodleian, Matthew Clairmont, a vampire.

This is not your usual vampire romance, but it does go to similar places. What makes this novel different is the careful eye to science and history (the author is an historian of science and medicine at USC). It's not simply the history background that makes Harkness's work great. It's also her ability to create a lush, detailed world, with characters that have flaws and quirks. Even tertiary characters seem modeled on real people. Matthew, the vampire, is a great character, but I had a bad feeling about him at the beginning of the novel when he found Diana's smell to be too intoxicating. These vamps also don't have fangs. Which is stupid. I'm sorry but vampires have fangs. It's the way of things. I won't see them without. Anyway, I was worried he'd head into Edward Cullen territory, but things go a different, more mature way.

I guess that's what I liked best about this novel. It's central character, Diana, is a woman who is "different" like Bella and Sookie and so many others, but she isn't naive or prone to do ridiculous thins to prove she's independent. She is a thinker and mature about her actions. Whereas many other vampire romances are about vampires sweeping women up into their vampire bullshit, this story is about the communal bullshit of supernaturals, and Diana takes control of her life in beautiful and surprising (and sometimes wrong) ways.

The novel is long, but I didn't feel like it when I was reading it, and I wanted it to continue after it was over. If you are reading it and having a hard time moving through it, you should at least push forward to Diana's visit home to her family's witchy house. I could have read a whole novel about that house.

If you liked The Historian, there are elements of academic life, research and travel that are interesting, but it isn't a treasure hunt so much. If you liked The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane and Daughters of the Witching Hill, the culture of witchcraft is fun and fantastical, but the balance of power is not with humans here. If you like vampire romances, this book will provide you with a romance, but you'll have to deal with more than a few mysteries and side-journeys that take away from the romance part. Oh, and the sex is minimal. As in the supe couple never consummate their relationship. Which is the only part that I really disagreed with. Well, that and the princess fairy tale that features in a very small but annoying part of the story.

I'm hoping Harkness writes a sequel, but even if this is the last of Diana Bishop's story, it was a worthwhile trip. It's about time someone capitalized on the fact that real vampires (and people who know they exist) would be excellent academics.

I've got only academic books on the horizon, but I'm hoping to go in a different (but still supernatural) direction. I'm thinking less professor characters and more fuck-ups. A decent fuck-up centric vampire story, incidentally, is Christopher Moore's Bite Me!

Book Review - The Daughters of the Witching Hill

 

Well, you know it's been a while when you have to actually log in to Blogger to post a new entry! Good things are afoot people. I am getting transferred out of my crappy department to one where I will no longer be the bringer of sadness. Yes, a great move for me, since I have been dealing with intense stress and anger over being the American Dreamkiller. "Hi, I'm Sweet Lady, you have to pay 100 zillions of dollars by this time next week or your house will be sold at an auction and all your neighbors will see postings about it on your lawn and in the paper. Have a nice day!!"  I have had serious TMJ problems, like so bad that whatever is misaligned in my jaw is messing with the nerves in my neck and shoulders, leading to numbness in my left hand. I stopped sketching and painting. It was a bad scene.  It's not like I won't still be part of the dream killing tangentially, so that still bums me out, but I can't put effort into getting another job until I'm done with the dissertation. My constant refrain. Anyway, in two weeks, I'm moving my cube and enjoying the silence. No phone calls.

I thought I'd drop in on all of you and let you in on a review of a book I recently read. I got some Barnes and Noble gift certificates for the holidays and I have been too busy to use them. CRAZY, I know. But I realized I hadn't read a novel in a while, and I thought that maybe it was part of the reason I wasn't feeling much like myself (other than the job). So I set out to read something new. I had good luck with historical novels, and especially those steeped in real historical research, but with supernatural or paranormal elements. The Historian, Devil in the White City, and The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane were recent favorites, so I tried to see who bought books similar to those on Amazon and B&N's website. It led me to Mary Sharratt's Daughters of the Witching Hill. Excellent choice!

It is based on the real Pendle Hill witch hunts of 1612 in Lancashire, England. Taken primarily from the very detailed and strange testimony of the trials recounted by a contemporary court clerk, it pieces together a magical and tragic (tragical, if you will) story of Elizabeth Southerns, a poor woman who lived in a tower on the outskirts of town and acted as a "cunning woman," someone who practiced folk magic. Sharratt uses social and political history as her background for the story, placing it in this interesting time when Catholicism was under attack by the last two royals. The mysticism and ritual of Catholicism was seen as particularly vile to James I, who had a thing about witches. He wrote Daemonologie, a text defining and denouncing witchcraft. It specifically encouraged witch hunts, and was focused on ousting. Here's an excerpt focusing on the kind of work witches do:

"I mean by such kind of charms as commonly daft wives use, for healing of forspoken [bewitched] goods, for preserving them from evil eyes, by knitting . . . sundry kinds of herbs to the hair or tails of the goods; by curing the worm, by stemming of blood, by healing of horse-crooks, . . . or doing of such like innumerable things by words, without applying anything meet to the part offended, as mediciners do."

The book itself is not so much about the hunts themselves (it gets there, and it's a realistic treatment of it), but more about the belief in magic and its uses, the daily lives of women, and the ways women sought power over their lives when they had virtually none. 

Elisabeth Southerns is poor. So poor that she must beg for food and does hard labor for little pay around town. She has a magical experience one day when she's confronted with a beautiful man, Tibb, who she knows isn't real, but who convinces her that he can predict the future and help her gain some measure of control over her life. He claims that his "Lady" sent him to watch over her. Tibb helps Elizabeth, known as Bess and later as "Old Demdike,"  learn the ways of cunning folk. Using herbs, poultices, and prayers to heal and protect, she manages to turn it into a way to make a living. And some crazy shit happens. 

No seriously, crazy shit happens. Cool magical stuff, regular "people are shitty" stuff.  I found it totally engrossing. I enjoyed being there, in that book, and after Deliverance Dane, it was interesting to see a tale of witchcraft outside of America and connected so clearly to the real political and social history of the time. It was also really cool to see explanations of the spells used, with specific recipes drawn from the literature of the time. 

So, in summation, it has magic (awesome), a female protagonist (necessary), a story of powerful women but not so powerful as to be fantastical (refreshing), and a real tie to history and respect for the people represented (bonus)! I was sad to let them go at the end of the book. You know a book touches you when that's the feeling you get at the end. It's why I love lengthy series. 

Next up, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. On account of President's day and stuff. Aren't you excited about that one?

The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane

I love reading anything about the Salem witch trials. While at Barnes & Noble, I came across a book on the discount fiction table and was instantly in love. If you liked The Historian and read paranormal fiction, this would be a great little novel to read.

It's about Connie Goodwin, a graduate student who just passed her doctoral exams in the history department at Harvard. She has a summer before embarking on her dissertation, and rather than doing research like she planned, she ends up having to take charge of repairing and selling her grandmother's long abandoned house near Salem. 

She happens upon a key in an old 17th century family bible in one of the rooms that has a small slip of paper in the hollow that reads: Deliverance Dane. Connie sets out to find out who or what this paper means and in the process learns about her family's connection to the Salem witch trials. What follows is part intellectual quest, part family history, part magical experience.

It was nice to read a stand-alone book. It was nice to read a historical novel by someone well versed in the history. Kathleen Howe is herself a descendant of two of the Salem witches and holds a doctorate in American and New England studies.

And wonder of wonders, not one vampire in the whole novel.

In other news, today was my first day at work. Not much happened, I'm exhausted, but employed, so yay! I don't have new employee orientation until tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it's exactly like working in every other office in America. And maybe Canada.

In the words of some of my new coworkers, see youse tomorrah!

Philly Days

Been trying to get out and explore now that it is beautiful out. Jacket weather is the best weather. You can walk around without shivering or sweating! Today M. and I decided to try some shops in the Northern Liberties area, and we found some goodies:

 

The pins and the recipe cards are by boygirlparty.com and the cupcake plate was $8. I got it all at Art Star, a shop that sells indie craft and art stuff. They have a cool website with an online shop!

We smelled something delicious when we got out of the shop so we followed our noses down the street to the Green Eggs Cafe. It seems like it's really new. They had a lot of choices for breakfast and lunch. M. had the lox and bagel, I had the crab cake sandwich:

Both were yummy.


We got home and I got busy cleaning. Tomorrow we are celebrating my mother-in-law's birthday by spending the afternoon at a pumpkin patch and then going to dinner. The pumpkin patch is the same one M's family has been going to since he was little, so I'm super excited to go! I will bring the camera, so pictures are forthcoming. After the pumpkin patch, we're coming home to relax a bit and then meeting at Distrito, one of Jose Garces' restaurants. Then, we're retreating to our place for cupcakes and watching her open presents. So that's why I spent much of today cleaning. I will be having guests! It is surprising how messy the place gets when you spend all of your time there.


The Phillies are in the playoffs, which is a big freaking deal here. Across from our building there is a small street that has blocked off the street and a neighbor has projected the game onto the wall of the Perleman Museum, so you're hearing the game no matter what. The streets were relatively empty tonight because everyone's indoors watching the game.


We, however, moseyed on down to the Eastern State Penitentiary. No, we didn't go in. They are doing their haunted house and I don't want to go in until it's back to normal. We walked down there because the Cupcake Lady was parked across the street, and I had to try one of her cupcakes.

For those that don't know, the Cupcake Lady sells cupcakes out of a truck. It's one of the few food trucks that Philly has, and she's pretty popular. A lot more popular after her truck was impounded when she parked it somewhere she wasn't supposed to (though it seems she didn't have clear instructions about where it was not OK to park). That's right, she parked her truck to sell cupcakes, and cops came and didn't just ticket her, they towed the truck. With cupcakes inside. Totally ridiculous. As a result, the incident was covered in the newspaper and I started following her on Twitter. When we heard she was in Fairmount, we went over.

We both got red velvets, and they were really, really tasty. Light and fluffy, and the cream cheese frosting was rich and sweet, a perfect complement to the cupcake. And I got to use my new cupcake stand. Pretty awesome day, don't you think?

Summer of Kevin Smith

Something happened to me in the past year. I became intensely fascinated by Kevin Smith. This wasn't too surprising, since I have always thought he was a great interview and he's a super nerd. But I'm kind of not really into stories from a male perspective. My favorite stories are for, by, and/or about strong powerful chicks. But in the past couple of years, Smith's been more available via his podcast, aptly named Smodcast, with longtime producing partner Scott Mosier. And I've found it interesting to an alarming degree!

Capitalizing on the popularity of his commentaries, Q&A sessions, and other instances where he tells stories about working in Hollywood, he decided to start podcasting. A podcast, for the uninitiated, is like a radio show on the interwebs. Usually you can get access to podcasts, which are pre-recorded audio (and sometimes video) files, on iTunes, but you can also live stream from various websites. You don't have to go through iTunes to have a podcast, but it helps, because it is a giant catalog of free information by interesting folks. That's right, most of them are free. Smith's are all free. You can even see him live at the only podcasting theater in existence, the Smodcastle. But that will cost you. This summer he toured the nation on a deluxe bus recording podcasts in front of paying audiences, all of whom not only are followers of his films and comics collaborations, but his 130+ podcasts. They paid to see him talk to his friend and record it.

How did this start? I saw Clerks when it came out in the mid-90s. I know, that's totally crazy because it did so poorly, but it's true. I remember referencing the film with friends all the time. I have always been a fan of dude humor that revolves around dick jokes, and this seemed like the kind of movie that understood you don't have to be stupid to make those jokes. You just need to be totally immature, or at least allow yourself to be.  I liked Mallrats a lot, Chasing Amy less so, and Dogma a little more.  I always appreciated a lot of his humor. It's been given poor adjectives like puerile, juvenile, childish, homophobic, sexist, and other awful things. Some of that stuff is true. Some of it has its place in the world and shouldn't be necessarily a mark of awful story-telling.

So, that initial interest in Smith's oeuvre resulted in my decision to rent An Evening with Kevin Smith, which is sort of a stand-up film which cobbles together various Q&A events at colleges in the early 2000s. He was hysterically funny. There is a sequel, so I rented that too. There is all kinds of YouTubery of him at ComiCons and other events telling amazing stories. Like the one where he was hired to create a movie for Prince and got to go to Paisley Palace and entertain the wild notions of a loon. Or the one where he talks about the controversy surrounding his film Dogma and how he went to a protest of the film at a theater in New Jersey. A live news reporter spotted him but didn't recognize him and asked him (as an anonymous bystander) what he thought of the protest. And he dishes about celebrities. I love celebrity dirt. Especially when it's about people who act outrageously, because those people are mistreating personal assistants and valets and nobody knows about it until someone like Smith gives it up. That was the initial draw. His podcast is about celebrity dirt, but it's about much more.

It's his view of current events, his relationship with his friends and family, a good repoire comedically with Scott Mosier, and insight into guys. That perhaps is why I go back each week. Hearing men talk seemingly without filter. About anything. About how to deal with relationship issues, about how Harry Potter should have ended, about why Kirk Cameron is a total asshole. I have always wanted unfettered access to decent guy conversation. Guys who have interests and are passionate and not racist jerks who are afraid to show or talk about emotions.

The central quality that draws me is Smith's ability to reveal so much of himself. The stuff that people keep hidden for fear of being ostracized, the feelings and ideas that might get him called "queer" or "freak" are all on display. In fact, not only does he reveal all that stuff, he makes fun of himself,  jokes about the standard "dude" response, and rounds it out with a good bit of cursing. He is not afraid to tell his friends he cares about them. In fact, he seems to be amazingly loyal and warm-hearted.  All of his friends from New Jersey are still part of his life, some have joined him on the podcast (yes, I listen to Tell 'Em Steve-Dave, the Walt and Bryan podcast too).

Lothario Brian Quinn, Layabout Bryan Johnson, and Comedic Super Dad Walt Flanagan from Tell 'Em Steve-Dave

The success of his podcast has resulted in what could be called a podcast empire.

Jason Mewes joins him for Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, which has been the number one podcast in the world for the past 3 installations.

Ralph Garman from KROQ radio's Kevin & Bean morning show joins Smith for Hollywood Babble-On,  Malcolm Ingram, gay filmmaker of Small Town Gay Bar fame, joins him for Blow Hard, and he still does Smodcast with Scott Mosier!

Of course there are problematic elements of Smith's shows, and most of them are complex rather than simple "reasons why not," at least for me. I won't argue that there are some gay jokes that seem to associate gayness with negative qualities or qualities that make you not a "real" man, but they seem almost out of place against all the jokes that celebrate queer life, make fun of homophobes and turn the notion of masculinity on its head.  Smith seems to really enjoy pointing out sexual double-entendres (my favorite thing ever) and finding a way to turn almost anything into a joke about men fellating one another. I think a lot of the jokes acknowledge that sexual desire is complex and that he is open about being fascinated about sexuality in all its forms. Many hetero guys have a hard time even acknowledging gay sex exists, but Smith asks questions about it and wants to know more. He loves, for instance, that bears find him sexy. Lesbian issues he's not so clear on. He's a man's man, and knows a lot about male culture across the straight/gay divide, but he's not as well versed in women's issues. His podcast is sponsored by Fleshlight, which makes a masturbatory device that proves objectification can be disturbing and weird. But that's another post.

At the same time, he is often one to point out the lack of great women's roles in film, especially in comic-related projects. He made God a woman in his Dogma movie, and she wasn't a bitch or a whore. The women in his films run the gamut from temptress to nerd to intellectual to confusing three-nippled fortune teller. Though he admits that as a straight guy he was perhaps not the best person to write a story with a lesbian central character, he also points out that the criticism he received in that regard was valid, and made him think twice about doing so again. He uses the word "mysogynist" and knows what it means. His young daughter put into perspective how difficult the world is for young girls. At a recent ComiCon he is quoted as saying:

“That’s what I love about a comic book convention. People will come to a convention, stand there in a Spock costume, look at someone in a Chewie costume, and say, ‘Look at that fuckin’ geek.' How dare you pass judgment on those 12-year-old girls who like vampires!”



The only thing that makes me sad/mad about listening to his podcasts is the real self-hatred he has, especially regarding his weight. He admits that he doesn't shower with the lights on because he doesn't want to see his naked body. He thinks of himself as undeserving of sexual attraction, and reveals that his eager-to-please attitude is all rooted in being overweight. He makes disparaging comments about his weight almost reflexively, as a way to say it first before someone else does. Knowing this from his podcasts, it was heartbreaking to learn he'd been kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for being "too fat" even though he fit into his seat and was belted in with no problems.

Bringing fat issues to the forefront isn't something he had particularly championed, but after that incident, he brought to light the serious disadvantage that people of size deal with on a daily basis. Not only did Southwest seem to not see the problem with the incident, the joke that it became in the press made the situation worse. I loved him a little more after he talked about it in the podcast. He could have easily gone into hiding for a month, but he spoke bravely (and, admittedly at great length) about it.

His humor is not for everyone. But I have been reveling in it for the past 4 months. I've probably listened to every podcast,  even the tangential ones his friends do without him. Even as I'm explaining it here, I can't understand why I, a feminist pop culture professor with degrees in cultural studies, am so taken by this guy, but I am.  He seems like a loving, soft-hearted, loyal guy, who tries to understand the world around him. Sure, sometimes he does so using only information gleaned from movies and television, but his thirst for knowledge is real!

Who knows what my next obsession will be, right?

True Blood Season 3 In Review

Well folks, it's another season gone. I can't believe we've just finished season 3 of True Blood. I thought it would take forever to get to season 4, aka book 4, aka Dead to the World, one of my favorites in the series. But lets get to the review, shall we? I have spoken on the pros and cons of the season so far a while back, but it's nice to see it all in retrospect.

Spoilers ahead!

Rather than one over-arching problem (like Maryanne last season), we had a more intimate look at the characters' personal issues. Most of them revolved around Russell Edgington's sudden case of the crazies after 3000 years, but really they placed themselves in Russell's way as a result of their own ridiculous issues.

The A Plot

Bill Loses His Shine

Bill got kidnapped by crazy vampire -blood-drinking werewolves and taken to Mississippi, where he was held captive by vampire King Russell Edgington. And by held captive, I mean "gets to wear tuxes and hang out in a mansion and eats delicious blood-based cuisine." It's a gilded cage, the Edgington manse. His capture catapults Sookie into motion, trying to find him any which way she can. She goes to Eric for help, who hooks her up with a hot werewolf named Alcide with contacts in Mississippi. She learns (very very slowly) that Bill hasn't been completely up front with her and that she's a fairy. And she's pretty miffed about both. In that sorta kinda way. Lorena meets the pointy end of sharp stick after realizing she's truly unlovable.

As a result of Bill's kidnapping, we find out about Eric's viking past. Originally interested in securing Sookie for himself (he has some silly Sookie fantasies) and getting rid of Bill, he goes to Russell only to realize that his entire family was killed by Russell's werewolves. This propels him into a plan for vengeance that leads to an ultimate sacrifice: a really bad sunburn.

I have to say, this plot line ended well, in the way that it didn't end completely but we feel some kind of closure. Talbot got insinkerator'd, so he's not resurrecting any time soon. Russell is in a vat of hardening concrete, which I think will probably hold him for 3 months tops, not the 100 years Eric and Bill predicted. I mean, I'm not an idiot True Blood. I've seen Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. If Han Solo can make it, Russell can totally make it. I also know that if you don't decapitate a vampire and see his or her goop explode all over the room, that sucker is still a liability.

Anyway, Bill and Sookie are broken up again. No really, they're really for real broken up. Probably forever. Maybe. Eric outed Bill's vampire plans to capture Sookie for Queen Sophie Ann, firmly putting himself in the "vampires aren't really first, I'm first" category. That dastardly Bill; and we thought he was such a gentleman!

TV Eric Rulez

In the past few seasons, Eric has actually struck me as better than the book Eric. Book Eric is too sweet and protective of Sookie to be the ferocious guy his reputation insists he is. I like that True Blood showed that dual nature he must have to be able to care for a human and maintain a leadership role among bloodthirsty creatures.

Sookie Screams a lot and then Goes into the Starlight

Sookie got a little bit stronger in the last episode, able to take charge and not be a victim, but honey, I waited much too long for this girl to come to her senses....and then after rescinding all vampires from ever being in her house, she invites Bill in. AGAIN. Like, hang out on the porch, you live in nowheresville. Christ! You don't have to invite in everyone that knocks. You know who aren't good at teaching someone how to be fierce and powerful? Flighty, flowy, sunlight drenched fairies. They better butch up these fairies next season or I'm gonna have a problem. 

The B Plot(s)

Tara's Origin Story or How I Make Sense of this Tragic Woman

Tara was mourning Eggs this season and ended up getting involved with a bad vampire named Franklin Mott,  who continues the Torture Tara sideshow that has gone on since she was born. As good as the actor was, her rape and torment was played for laughs, and his psychotic fantasy of their "love" was not given the darkness it deserved. Her anger afterward seemed justified, but she spends so much time angry (even her depression is angry) that it didn't have the same impact. I did like, however, that she's the smart one who figured out how to escape her captor and flee the mansion.

If I was Sookie's friend, I probably would have left her ass for wanting to go back to rescue Bill. It was nice to see her take a step forward and realize that she needed to be a different person, rather than just heading for self-destruction. She cut off her hair and got the hell out of town. In my fantasy, she becomes a vampire slayer. Not like an "every one of those things should die" kind, but a protector of humanity from the bad ones.  I kind of wish this was her superhero origin story. Superheroes need to go through some effed up stuff to get to the point where they go nuts and wear costumes patrolling the streets. That's the level of stuff Tara's had to go through.

Who Cares About Jason? You? Anyone? *crickets*

Jason decided he wanted to be a cop this season, but doesn't want to do any of the actual work involved in getting there (as per usual). So he blackmails Andy into giving him a job at the station, which results in him meeting a werepanther named Crystal from Hotshot. Hotshot is an inbred redneck community that loves to make crystal meth. Do you think Crystal's dad bestowed her name upon her in honor of the family business? He blunders his way into saving the town from destruction, but really, it's Crystal whose choices freed those people. I don't think Jason will ever see that. You know what, though? I don't care about this story. I haven't all season. I actually felt like it took precious time away from Eric and Pam. We hardly got any Pam!

The Fall of Sam Merlotte

Sam meets his biological family and they are all a-holes who take advantage of him and his hospitality. He learns that he's become a bit of a pushover since moving to Bon Temps. Once upon a time, he was a thief, and an accidental murderer, and he was into putting gel in his hair. He was fierce and unafraid to threaten people while being naked. These days, he just gets drunk and berates customers and his friends. After slowly convincing Tommy to see himself and others like human beings, he decides to treat him like dirt. This results in Tommy stealing his money, Sam chasing after him, and in the only real cliffhanger of the season, Sam shoots at Tommy. Did he kill his own brother? Is Sam really a bad person and he's been pretending to be nice? I....also don't care about this story. I liked that Sookie had one person in her life that was genuine and good. Her abandonment of Merlotte's and his fall from grace doesn't sit well with me. Can he come back from this? Hmph.

I Would Totally Hang Out with Jessica Hanby

Jessica was lost without Bill, who taught her nothing about survival or about what to do if he were to go away for the weekend. She had broken up with Hoyt last season and spent the season hating what she has become. After trying to clean up the mess she caused by draining a trucker, she gets a job at Merlotte's and is actually very good at her job. Eventually, she and Hoyt reunite and it looks like he rented a house for them to live in together.  I heart this girl. I want to take her out for a girls night of dancing and help her with her problems. I'd have to wear 7-inch heels and lose 80 pounds to walk into a club next to her, though, so maybe I'm not the right gal for the job. She needs a best girl friend. And NOT SOOKIE, for the love of god.

Lala + Jesus

Lafayette continues to live (which I LOVE) and is amazing. We learn about his mom's schizophrenia, he gets a cute boyfriend who is a witch, and manages to have some moments of joy. He goes on a V trip with said boyfriend that really teaches the lesson that you shouldn't take hallucinogens if you've got a bungalow decorated in varieties of freaky figurines. Just a tip. And now it seems he has some measure of clairvoyance. But not the "bad feeling" or "dark aura" kind that you would want to have. No instead he gets the "frightening visions" form of the affliction. Great job universe! That has to be the most disturbing power ever. Whatever, I'm just glad he's still alive. He's one of the best characters that has ever been on television.


Arlene and Terry get serious, she finds out she's pregnant with Rene's baby (time sure goes slowly in Bon Temps) and freaks out about carrying serial murderer DNA into the world. This leads her to attempt a mystical witchy herb tea abortion that doesn't work. Don't you hate when that happens?



The Fall and Rise and Possibly Fall of Sophie Ann

Sophie Ann wore some fierce outfits this season, and was a delight even though she didn't play that large of an on-screen role. She started to lose her grip on her queendom by peddling V, attracting the attention of the Authority and Edgington, which resulted in her time in the cage (above) and a forced marriage to Russell. She lucks out with Russell going to sleep with the pylons. At the end of the season, she's back on top.

This dress, with the scarlet lining on the inside? Amazing:

Our real cliffhanger this season happens when Bill lures her to his house to kill her (to save Sookie from her clutches, aww..he wuvs her still). But, in true Bill fashion, he fucks it up. You never tell the lure that they are caught and then explain why and how you are going to kill them. That gives them time to come up with a battle plan! Anyway, I forget why I was supposed to worry about things between Bill and Sophie Ann because I was distracted by the lameness that was the flying across the room at each other.  It reminded me of Rocky. It didn't make me wonder what is going to happen to Bill. Bill, you make bad decisions. Almost all of the decisions you've made in the past 3 years were bad. Take a step back, reassess, OK? Maybe start working on a vampire database or something. Geez.


Au revoire season 3! I love you for bringing Russell into our lives.